Self Love

The love you didn't know you were missing.

Self love isn't discussed enough. You could say that it is ignored in a way. It's not typically found to be a part of societal norms. And spiritually, most people are so busy reaching outside of themselves for a solution to their awakening or suffering that they don't give it a second thought.

In most circumstances, earthly existence tends to be reduced to an exercise where you are here to grind out a life and love those who cross your path if you can manage to stomach them long enough to do so.

The Baseline

Loving yourself is a mandatory part of your spiritual awakening. Sorry, there is no way around it. You are your highest self when you remember that you are your highest self and love is the highest self. Without self love, you are basically saying my existence doesn't matter all that much.

The unfortunate truth is that people believe this to be normal, the baseline. "To heck with me, I'll just love you." But you cannot love from an empty cup. When you have no love for yourself, you aren't loving from the state of love at all. You are loving from a state of lack. And lack is not love.

Loving oneself should be natural. It is our natural state. Sitting in an unloved state, unloved by yourself, is not. And yet here we are.

The Eyes of Judgement

You carry the eyes of judgment. It's part of this earthly experience. And unfortunately, you have been using those eyes to judge yourself both consciously and unconsciously your entire existence.

Whether you realize it or not, you could say that you have methodically kept a running list of every circumstance where your ego believes you have not put in a satisfactory performance. In your career, your love life, your efforts, your desires, your feelings…you have judged it all, every outcome. And that list you carry within you reflects that judgement.

This list stems from a comparison between where you are in life and where you believe you should be. As well as a comparison with all the other people in the world. It's a form of measurement that comes naturally to your intellect.

Because it is so natural, you commit this judgement day in and day out. And the ego brings out this list of judgement every time you dare to challenge it.

"Look here, on this list, it says you were an awful selfish person when you did that thing back in 1986. Of course you are not worthy of what you want. How could you possibly think that you are worthy of anything?"

That list is what stands between you and love.

Self Sabotage

The running list of judgment has consequences. For many, the weight of accumulated judgement becomes unbearable, and they look for an exit. Drugs, alcohol, destructive behavior, these aren't signs of a broken person.

They are signs of a person who has decided, somewhere beneath conscious awareness, that they are not worth loving as they are. And so they seek relief from that verdict in any way they can.

The escape is a desperate reach for something that feels like peace, even if only briefly. The tragedy isn't the reaching. It's that the running list is still there when they return.

Self sabotage ends where self love begins.

The Mirror

What do you see in the mirror? You? Your skin suit costume you agreed to wear when you took an existence? Your judgement? Hate? Angst? What do you see in the mirror?

Have you ever thought about it? You see you. Is that all? Ok. And what paltry little thing have you declared "You" to be? Or maybe you see the ego you, and today the ego is happy with what it sees.

But the real you is the you that should be activated when you look into the mirror. That is the "you" who sees everything you have been through, every trauma, every sadness, all the fear. The letdowns, the mistakes, the broken dreams, the guilt, the regret, the anger, the desperation, the tears. And even though you don't want to see those things, you have to. Because that is the you that you are here to love.

You are worthy of love. Not because you are "somebody". Not because of what you have attained. But because you exist. Because existence comes with suffering. And if you believe you aren't worth loving because you suffer through existence, then your heart is closed.

Love what you see in the mirror unconditionally. Love you as I would love you. That means without exception. Without any condition. Meaning you are good enough right now. You are always worthy of love.

Surrender to Self Love

Surrender is an act of self love. Releasing the illusion of control, trusting that a "greater hand" is at work in all things, is freedom from self-inflicted suffering. You don't have to carry it. Letting it go is not defeat. It is grace.

The part of you that is white-knuckling life, grasping, resisting, certain that if it loosens its grip everything will fall apart - that part is worthy of love too. If you have read “The Two Halves”, you know this part well. It is the three-year-old. And it is worthy of the same love as every other part of you. Meet it with compassion rather than more judgement. Even your resistance is worthy of love. Truth. 

This is what unconditional means. Without exception. The part of you that trusts and the part of you that cannot, both held in the same love.

Boundaries

Having healthy boundaries is a form of self love. Oftentimes I refer to the practice of self love as filling a cup with love. Allowing somebody to continuously knock your cup of love out of your hand intentionally is the absence of boundaries.

Saying "no", you cannot knock the cup of love out of my hands is a boundary. A boundary based on self love. If you are coming from the space of authentic love for yourself and the other person, you aren't judging the other person's actions. Judgement is the absence of love. But love can be found in self love.

You don't need to judge anybody's actions. You can choose to sit in the space of authentic love.

Self love is not selfishness. It's the place from which you can love all else.

The Love of Your Life

You are the love of your life. Without loving yourself, you look to others to fill the void. And that is conditional and more often than not transactional. Love has no conditions and is certainly not transactional.

As I was shown on the other side, you are a single grain of sand in the largest sandcastle ever built. And if you didn't exist, the whole castle would collapse. You matter.

You are unconditionally loved for just being.

Love yourself equally. Let yourself feel love. You are love itself. It is your free will choice to remember it.